I haven’t blogged in a while, a long while.
How does one go from refreshing one’s blog page by the minute to scratching one’s head to remember the log in details? Its the same trajectory, I guess, that most well intentioned life resolutions take- a sincere start, an achievement high, a procrastinated pause and slow death. We scale this repetitive bell-curve with every new “this is the call of my life” find. The “paid for yet unused” gym sessions, the “five minutes more to workout” alarm snoozes, the “will follow the diet from tomorrow” plans. We’ve all been there. We have rehearsed the excuses even before we start making them.
Till we find something that excuses cannot excuse and no bell curve can flatten out. Life holds it down with its demands and distractions, but not for long. We all have that one thing that keeps seeking us out and each time it does, its like love’s first kiss, intoxicating and wild. Its that dusty camera you hold up to your eyes on a weekend getaway, the rusty guitar strings you strum on a social evening, the cake you bake to get over a bad day, the sketch that you draw that draws you in. Its that tune you hum that breaks into a song, the post run sweat that drenches you in sweet pain, its that favorite author you steal time to read, the road trip you wish would never cease.
Its all that we want to do, if we had a new life to live.
In a new life, I would be a different person, make the right choices, stick with them, go on to be a published author and be the dazzling dreams come true darling . This life however, seems limited by options, restricted by responsibilities, worn down by weaknesses and shrunk by inhibitions. All the reasons I give myself for riding the bell curve of broken resolutions. But if after the slide down, I find myself at the start line, like I do today, I will no longer hesitate to jump back on. I may not have stayed on top of the wave, but, I will soak in it.
And so, I write today. I may not write tomorrow but I know I will come back to it another day. I hope you will too, take out that camera, dust that guitar, put on those dancing shoes and cozy up with a book.
Just don’t mind the gap and the gap won’t mind you.